


To Be Accepted

by Kaliko_Jerika



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gay Character, Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:53:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27432340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaliko_Jerika/pseuds/Kaliko_Jerika
Summary: Jack is happy with Ginger, but Ginger sees something in Jack that Jack had kept hidden from himself his whole life. She makes him write a list to help him understand.





	To Be Accepted

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my English homework. I do not plan to add any more to this.

Jack didn’t bother to turn his bedroom light on when he entered. He picked his way over to his desk, the meagre light filtering through the closed curtains, and the yellow glow of his lamp more than enough light for what he needed. Jack slumped heavily onto his chair, the cheap leather creaking in protest. The lack of light gave his room an eerie yellow glow. From the second drawer on his right, Jack pulled out a sheath of paper. From the pencil pot to his left, he took a black biro pen. Jack shifted into a more upright position and gripped the pen above the paper, searching for the right place to start writing.

His pen hovered for a few minutes, the nib not quite touching the page and Jack pondered what to write, and how to write it. Ginger had told him what to do, and Jack desperately wanted to please her, desperately wanted for them to stay together, as lovers and as friends. But Ginger would never stay in a relationship of any kind with a liar. Was he desperate enough for her love that he would risk ruining their friendship?

Carefully, Jack touched the pen to the page, drawing a line down the middle, separating the page into two columns. At the top of one column he wrote _‘Things I love about Ginger’_ and at the top of the other he wrote _‘Things I find attractive for a relationship’_. Jack underlined both headings and looked down at the paper in thought. He started with the first column. In elegant lines, Jack wrote out all of Ginger’s best traits and habits that made Jack fall in love with her. Her laugh, her smile, the way she would never speak a word in the mornings before downing a cup of strong, black coffee.

When Jack felt satisfied with Ginger’s column, Jack turned to the other, more daunting task. He began with the easier items; characteristics that anyone could have. He noted personality traits and mannerisms. Many of these matched with the ones in Ginger's column, some did not. That was okay because Jack never wanted a relationship with someone perfect. He had always felt that if someone was perfect they were faking something, or tricking someone. Only people with malicious intent would ever pretend to be perfect.

Jack was willing to leave the list like that, with all of the characteristics he liked written neatly into the two columns. The light from his window had all but disappeared now, the sun low in the late summer sky. He couldn’t leave until he had finished the task as Ginger asked of him, physical traits included with the non-physical ones. This was the part Jack dreaded the most. Where he risked the truth coming out, his biggest secret revealed. Could he bring himself to be completely honest?

It would make Ginger leave him. She would never stay with someone like him. His father would hate him too. He might never be allowed to come home again, to see his mother again. If he wrote the truth, Jack could lose his friends, his family and his relationship. But if he didn’t, Jack would be forced to live in the lie he had built for himself for the rest of his life. He would never truly be happy with Ginger, no matter how much he loved her. Maybe this way they could at least stay friends. If he could keep her then maybe it would all be worth it.

Knuckles white around the biro, Jack carefully touched the nib back to the page. He started by making a bullet point on the left edge of the column, and then he wrote the words he had never before said out loud. The ones that had haunted his dreams and fuelled his nightmares. After the first line was complete, more started to follow it. The spoke of defined muscles and wide shoulders, smooth chests and hard abs. All the things Jack had never dared to admit to himself was written onto that page. All of the things he had tried to ignore and all of the things he had outright denied time and time again. It was out to the world now, offered up for a final judgement.

He had made his choice. Now he had to hope that it was the right one. Jack so hoped he would be able to keep his friendship with Ginger. She already had friends like him. Maybe she would understand.

Jack looked up from his paper. The curtains were struggling to contain the light pouring in from outside. It gave the room the dull yellow glow once more. Twisting around, Jack turned to stare at his alarm clock. The glowing digits that told him he’d been working on his list all night, trapped within his own head, oblivious to anything going on outside. Ginger would be awake by now. Jack wouldn’t be able to sleep until he had received her judgement.

The not-knowing ached. It pulled on his heart strings, demanding attention. Now Jack had lost the focus he had somehow maintained, the gut-churning mix of emotions threated to overwhelm him. Taking the paper, Jack stood up, bones creaking and popping in protest. His muscles were sore from being in one position for too long. On unsteady legs, Jack walked through his room and out into the main areas of the house, searching for Ginger…

**Author's Note:**

> Jack gives the list to Ginger who talks him through what it means for them. They agree to stay friends and live together. Jack eventually meets someone through Ginger and falls for him. Ginger has no hard feelings towards Jack for keeping his secret and when Jack is more comfortable with his sexuality, they have movie nights and talk about boys together.


End file.
